Week Four Recap

So we are into Week 4, and well, this has been interesting so far. In a complete twist from what happened last season,Sam has opened the season like this, my season is pretty much done after a start like this, and Pags’ season starting off well but dropping hard like this. I can't leave Mark out, so here is your season so far; And Graham’s of course. That was adorable right Graham? I just want to go super-biased right now before I go slightly un-biased for the actual recap, but I got two people in the league today to say Schmidt is annoying as hell. I’ll give you a hint, it was not Pags. See what I did there? But seriously Schmidt, we hate you because you are probably 10x better than us at this, probably 15x better than me but that is because I play a real sport during Fantasy season. Excuses are fun. Oh, and sorry Pags, I really did not want to do this after todays awful math quiz, but you calling me out for changing my name because of bad luck? You know what, I’m not gonna do it. Keep the peace bro. So ya, that is that. I could drop some deep quote about us being a group, but screw that. The world is your oyster, there, happy? But in the end, this will always be us(Mark isn’t included until he sees the movies).RRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.

Top Player of the Week:

WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING? So ya, shocking, I lost. Get used to it. Also get used to Andrew Luck putting up the most points all week. Actually, just get used to the losing thing, Luck will probably fall of a rollercoaster and break every bone in his body. My Luck. Get it?

Surprise Player of the Week:

I guess we all laughed when we saw Sam start Delanie Walker. Who is laughing now? I think we all still are laughing. Far out!

Bonehead Bench Move of the Week:

Literally there were no good bench players this week. If you find one let me know, but no one wins this week.

Bust of the Week:

Did someone say Calvin Johnson? A few weeks after essentially trading LeSean McCoy for Johnson, Megatron put up 1 point. Well its fine, cause McCoy blows as well. At least Johnson will rebound from this.

DID SOMEONE SAY POWER RANKINGS? AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

POWER RANKINGS

() indicates previous ranking, [] indicates the record.

1. (1) [3-0] Dank Sinatra

Alright no one expected this at all. Like come on. We even all agreed that Sam was gonna lose Week 4 because the Broncos and Seahawks had byes. EVEN Sam said he was going to lose. Yet he came out, managed to get a starting lineup, and won the ball game, and is now doing this to Pags. Granted it was against Pags, but a win is a win in this league. Either way, Sam gets his babies back (Lynch, Manning, Thomas and Green) this week against me. Sam has averaged 107 points a week this year, which is a pretty stellar offensive attack, and is much better than his 76 point average last year. Ya, he was that bad. BUT IT IS THIS YEAR, and Sam has been absolutely perfect. Can he go undefeated? Probably not, I’d give him until Week 7 when he faces Mark.

2. (3) [2-1] Schmidt Happens

You may have noticed that I did not write anything for Schmidt last week. Oh, you are looking for an explanation? Well sorry, you are not getting one. Back to business; the former commish put me down this week (not that hard to do) to move into a comfortable 2-1 position in his Hardware defense campaign. And after Charles’ night, he now owns a complete monopoly on all RBs in the league (Nice trade Pags, really paid off well for you). Ya, Schmidt said he has a monopoly on all WRs, but I don’t think having a WR that put up 1 point counts. HE STILL BEAT ME, chill Mark. See, I knew you were gonna say that once I put that in. I am a mind reader, I’m insane and I wanna win the rematch but that probably will not happen. So I could spend some time ripping on Schmidt but I am in a good mood today.

3. (4) [1-2] Far Out!

Geronimo! Graham did not even set a lineup this week, resulting in 48 points. So what gives him the right to have the #3 spot in the rankings? We will get to that in the next ranking. But for Graham, his season has been nothing more than mediocre. And that is the expectation for Graham. But now with the Broncos bye past him, he can now go back to relying on the Denver WRs to get him the points to win. And guess what? Forte produced points! That is somewhat good news for a guy who has not received anything from his RBs this year, and that drove him to the point of trading Lacy away. But with Forte finding his mojo, things are beginning to look good in the world of San Fran. Far out! I did ask Graham about his performance this week, and all I got was, “I mean I had a bye so… Far Out!”

4. (2) [2-2] Good Fellas

Alright, let us just face it, Pags has just had the worst two week span in league history. He has averaged 64 points in these two weeks. But there is a few things to blame. Last week, it was Stafford having 3 points, and this week he came back with 25. The problem this week was a defense that gave Pags -8 points and LeSean McCoy refusing to work. This two week span has embarrassed Pags into changing his name back to the less understood reference, “Good Fellas” in an attempt to return to his winning ways. I’ll be honest and say it is not the name that is the problem, it is just that he has received some pretty bad luck from Santa this year. McCoy should start to produce, but if he doesn’t, Pags is screwed. Not really, just joshing with ya. Of course, I had to ask Pags about these struggles, and he calmly responded with, “Gonna stand my ground, won’t be turned around… And I’ll keep this world from draggin’ me down… Gonna stand my ground and I won’t back down.” That is right, Pags just quoted Cash. Oh right, Schmidt doesn’t know who that is.

5. (5) [0-3] The Fellowship of the Ring

Alright, I have pretty much accepted my seasons fate this year. My top pick is gone for the year so it is time to sit back, relax and do stupid trades that do not benefit me in the slightest. Well, I am averaging the 2nd most points per week, but still, I always manage to play a team that just goes off for the week. But what are ya gonna do? (Graham is the only one who read that in the correct voice). Ya I got Sam this week, so you have the undefeated going up against a team that can’t win. So technically if I win, I may get facial with Sam. Don’t worry Sam, the chances of me winning are terrible at this point in time. When your running backs consist of Chris Ivory and Eddie Lacy you know you are doing something wrong. But who needs fantasy football? “If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.” I just dropped a quote from The Hobbit.

MVP RACE:

1. Andrew Luck (103 points)
2. Philip Rivers (81 points)
3. Demarco Murray (80 points)

Week 3 Recap

Week 3 Recap? Far Out!

Top Player of the Week:

This weeks top player came from a losing team… shocking right? Andrew Luck of The Fellowship of the Ring put up 31 points in a losing effort. Don’t worry, I am already used to it, so  Far Out!

Surprise Player of the Week:

Julio Jones pretty much won this game for Sam. No doubt in my mind, and Sam knows it too. The guy put up 28 points and cements Dank Sinatra as the only undefeated team left.

Bonehead Bench Move of the Week:

So Pags and I were the losers this week. Who made the worst bench move? Lets make it a tie. I did not start Jeremy Maclin because who would start him over Marshall, Dez or Jordy? He put up 21, while Russell Wilson put up 21 for Pags with Stafford starting. Who can blame him? So really, no stupid moves this week, except for me starting Ball. #ThisFallBelongsToBall

Bust of the Week:

I’m just gonna list the horrible players from this week because honestly… We were terrible.

-LeSean McCoy

-Matthew Stafford

-Eddie Lacy

-Montee Ball

POWER RANKINGS:

() indicates previous ranking, [] indicates the record.

1. (2) [2-0] Dank Sinatra

I think I need to sit down. Sam Giorgio has the best team in the league. He is also undefeated. That might change Week 4, as the Broncos and Seahawks have byes, which is the entirety of Sams team. However, don’t underestimate the power of the young Hobbit. He has Philip Rivers and Rashad Jennings coming to the rescue… and that is about it. With 7 total players on byes, the only way he can fill an entire starting roster is dropping one of the 7, and we know that is not gonna happen, so expect Sam to forfeit this one if he can't get over losing a player. But in the end, the best way to compare Sam to the rest of the league right now is that Sam is in “a town full of losers and hes pulling out of here to win.” Your welcome Sam.

2. (1) [2-1] Sons of Scotland

HOLY SHIT WAS THAT BAD. Sorry Pags, but that was downright the worst week in league history. 52 points is 20 less than the previous record… HELD BY GRAHAM. Pags had a viable excuse however, pointing out that “ the anglish are too many.” Ya I guess that works. You most be wondering though how Pags is ranked #2 in the league after such a terrible week. Well, to start, he is the only person except for Sam who has a record above .500. It was also just an off week, there is no way Stafford will produce 3 points on a weekly basis. We know Jimmy Graham can do better, and -7 points from the Panthers D/ST did not help the cause. Expect Pags to grab an easy win against Sam this week.

3.

4. (5) [1-2] Far Out!

When it doubt, paddle out. That is exactly what Graham did this week, after dropping to 0-2, he took advantage of a terrible outing by Pags, and grabbed a much needed win to keep him in a tight race so far this season. However, all Graham has gotten out of Forte and Lacy is poop. So, he sent Lacy off to my desperate self and received Alfred Morris for a little change in scenery. Will it work out? Who knows, but Far out!

5. (4) [0-2] The Fellowship of the Ring

I think Sam coughed on me. I started last year off 1-2, and ended 9-2, so right now, I’m chilling. Far out!

MVP Race:

1. Andrew Luck - 72 points (Britton)

2. Peyton Manning - 63 points (Sam)

We built this city on Rock & Roll...

The Recap Week 2

Week two is over. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.

Top Player of the Week:

Jimmy Graham of the Sons of Scotland gets the honor these week. Oh, Aaron Rodgers scored more than him? How’d that fare for ya? Graham finally showed up after a hiatus during week by scoring two TDs and bringing in 23 points for the victorious Sons of Scotland.

Surprise Player of the Week:

Giovanni Bernard was supposed to be a solid flex option, and now, he has unfortunately become the only thing Graham can rely on, but far out! Bernards ability to catch and run have Graham freaking out, and the 22 points he put up certainly give him the right too. Not bad for a 9th round pick.

Bonehead Bench Move of the Week:

I’m giving this out to a losing team that could've won if he started a certain player. This week, it goes to Graham. Unfortunately for him, he had no real bench options, but CJ Spiller put up 9 more points than Forte and 7 more than Lacy. So, that would’ve helped a bit.

Bust of the Week:

Ladies and Gentlemen, your two time Bust of the Week CCHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNN… Jamaal Charles. When Mark traded Lesean for this guy, he must of been thinki-wait a minute, I have no idea what he was thinking. Charles has put up 2 points in two games this season. Far out!

POWER RANKINGS

() indicates previous ranking, [] indicates the record.

1. (1) [2-0] Sons of Scotland

Well, who else? Pags rolled into this week amidst “Trade Rape” controversy and performed a textbook dropkick on Mark. Yea he only by 6 but to most of us, but he was able to redeem himself after being spanked in last years Battle for the Hardware. Yes, he relied heavily on the play of Jimmy Graham, his defense and his kicker, but 20 points from Arian Foster have showed that Foster is ready to be a consistent start for Pags. Although is 94 points from this week are a degrade from his 114 last week, don't worry. Things look bright for this team as they take on the 0-2 Man from San Fran. Just a little note from 2013, Pags started the season 4-0, and finished 1-5. But it is a new year… or is it?

2.  (2) [1-0] Dank Sinatra

Sams weekly Springsteen lyric explaining his team: “Poor man wanna be rich, rich man wanna be king, and a king ain't satisfied until he rules everything.” Let us think about that for a moment. Sam starts off struggling with Sam Wow and is a poor man, becomes rich after his draft performance, becomes King after getting commish powers and after beating Graham, and now he is out for one thing, the ring. After a strong bye week performance, he put Graham down and is moving onto bigger challenges. I asked him how he has managed to get rid of the struggle from last season, but he said “The Struggle and I have become one after last season.” That makes sense? Well, whatevs, he takes on the ones from Middle Earth Week 3.

3. (4) [0-1] The Fellowship of the Ring

Fly you fools. I have to say, “Evaluation Week” makes me feel a little better, as I got myself 126 points without my boy Adrian Peterson, which gives me faith when he get suspended in the coming weeks. I’m gonna get the most out of him while I can. Jordy, Dez and The Machine all put up solid numbers at the WR position while Morris showed promise. Now, I’m done touting about myself, but I just got one thing to say.

I know you all have no faith in him, But this Fall belongs to Ball.

4. (3) [1-1] Schmidt Happens

Shit Happens. Jamaal plays awful, two weeks straight… Should’ve kept McCoy ey? *Insert evil Pags laugh* And before you flip out about me being ranked higher than you, check the point totals pal. And we both lost to Pags, guess thats the one thing we have in common. So after Mark bolstered his entire roster by taking Pags’ stars, Pags gets the last laugh out of it all. Jamaal is hurt and has no O-Line, and Calvin Johnson is garbage who kills for money. KIDDING. Can’t you take a joke? Oh wait, no, you gave up your commish powers after I pulled a joke. God I am ripping Schmidt hard this week. Well Pags is ripping me in his segment so I guess I can do it to. Nah but in all seriousness, Schmidt will probably figure it out. Brown will do fine, Murray will do fine if he stays healthy so all is well. Far out!

5. (5) [0-2] Far Out!

Oh boy… If you thought Sams season last year, Graham has actually started off worse than Sam did in his first two games. When you look at it that way, your season looks dead. But Graham maybe just had an off week, it is too early in the season to tell who is the big guy. Remember what happened to Pags last year? Still almost went all the way but barely made the playoffs. So there ya go buddy! Just ride Bernard like a horse and you’ll be fine.

Game of the Week:

Dank Sinatra vs. The Fellowship of the Ring

Sam has never defeated me, and I kinda need to win this week. Big test for Sammy G, should be a good one.

Pags’ Corner:

I have grave news for the citizens of Sunday Funday, Running backs are god-awful this year. That’s right I said it, they suck, stink, blow, all of the above. Charles is a disgrace to the league, McCoy is only doing decently, Lynch didn’t show up this week and there is a strong possibility that Peterson will be playing against the warden soon enough. There is but one exception DeMarco Murray, a god walking amongst mere mortals. Putting up a whopping 20 points last week and then 19 points this week, which mind you are not show stoppers, but their far better than 3 and 0 produced by the second pick.

In other news I was almost suspended/thrown out of the league this weekend, and probably would have if commissioner Sam had his way, shout out to Britton. Id like to explain a few things to hopefully settle the score between me and the league. I was kinda offended that after I suggested the meeting Britton said that the “gentlemen” would not be going to the lunch. Then after all the shouting and resigning, Britton announced that the lunch was back on. Does that mean that when Britton says it everyone goes along with it? Well at that point I was so fed up with all the political bull shit getting thrown around I really didn’t want to sit at a table with you guys and hear it more. So in short its not you its me…. and you.

Quote Of The Week

"...I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?"

-       Jack Byrnes

PS. Rape is good

The Recap Week 1

Far out! The five time Pulitzer Prize winning online newspaper is back for its’ second year (the math makes sense) and is better than ever. This week we got a review of the week one action out of Sunday Funday and we got a special look at what goes on inside the insane mind of Pags. Without further adue, RRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.

Top Player of the Week:

It’s totally Julius Thomas right? Nah, because he did not play in a legit game. It is funny that when Sam has a monster game with a monster player, it is during his bye week. Maybe next week. Instead, it is Calvin Johnson, one of the Sons of Scotland. Johnson headed into the night with the result of the Britton/Pags game in his hand, and instead of making it interesting, he ended the game on the fourth play from scrimmage. Tear an ACL pal. I’m kidding, he is our only hope against Schmidt. I’m also kidding on that, I have a winning record against Schmidt. Not kidding on that. 28 points for Johnson, expect that consistently.

Surprise Player of the Week:

Ya, we understand that Tony Romo is bad, but the 49ers D/ST made him look like a mediocre QB. Oh wait, he is. Shots fired Sam. Yea, I picked a defense for surprise player of the week, that is because this week was awful.

Bonehead Bench Move of the Week:

Even though he won, Pags decided to start Deangelo Williams over Leveon Bell because he thought “Williams was emotionally motivated.” Yea, Bell seemed pretty emotionally motivated too with his 24 points, 17 more than Williams. Stick the numbers Pags. He still won, but he probably would’ve committed a felony on me if he had started Bell.

Bust of the Week:

Once again, Schmidt won, but Jamaal Charles putting up 2 points made me rethink that trade that Schmidt had with Pags. So far, Pags is winning out of that trade. Fred Jackson had more points than him, and the guy is like a century old.

POWER RANKINGS

We all know this is all you guys care about so I might as well get to it.

1. Sons of Scotland

SCUTLAND. Before I start, I know Sam is thinking right now, “I scored more points than him.” Did you win your game? Exactly. Anyway, Pags I mean Shamus Blackwood had a solid outing that puts him in the same exact place he was last year. The duo of Stafford and Johnson is so deadly, I had a nightmare about it last night. Thank God I dont play him again until Week 8. Honestly, Pags has duo upon duo; he’s got Johnson and Stafford along with Graham and Gronk. Don’t forget, he gets Andre Ellington back soon, so balls to the walls.

PREDICTED FINAL RECORD:  8-3

2. Dank Sinatra

What is more appropriate than explaining Sams team then with a lyric from Thunder Road, “You ain't a beauty but hey you’re alright.” I know everyone but Schmidt has heard that song… This is why we can't have nice things. But you’re welcome Sam, I related you to one of the greatest songs ever. In all seriousness, Sam actually looks good this year. The “but hey you’re alright” part literally relates to how we still can’t take him seriously after last years struggle. It is past him, and he is ready to take on the world with the entire Seahawks and Broncos offense. I don’t know what he is going to do when they have a bye oh wait a minute; THIS JUST IN: Dank Sinatra surrenders Week 4 to the Sons of Scotland. One loss won’t hurt this team. The curse of the Sam Wow is gone (and probably on my team now), he will head to the playoffs for the first time.

PREDICTED FINAL RECORD: 7-4

3. Schmidt Happens

Yes, I spelled your name without the retarded capital P. Honestly, your name couldve been the greatest thing ever, but you did what you did best and tried to hard. Anyway, Schmidt “schmidted” this week by playing the Eagles offense against the Jaguars… and it is funny cause he almost lost. Expect this a lot, as I got insight from Sam that this will probably be a season long thing. I expect him to break the record for most acquisitions. Yes, it is incredibly annoying, but it works, so let him be him and let him take The Hardware for a second straight year. Like seriously guys, get used to it. THIS IS WHY I BROUGHT BRANDON IN, SO THAT US FOUR WOULD JUST COMPETE EVENLY.

PREDICTED FINAL RECORD: 9-2

4. The Fellowship of the Ring

Ya, I was embarrassed to lose to Pags, but I don’t care, it happened last year too. I think Sam gave me “The Struggle” so I don’t expect much, but I expect to at least attempt to make the playoffs. Ima win eventually, but until then, I’m chilling.

PREDICTED FINAL RECORD: 6-4

5. Far Out!

Am I a fan? No, but San Fran my man! Yea, he set the record for lowest amount of points scored in league history, but geronimo!  Yea, his wide receivers need help, but far out! However, he has potential with Forte/Lacy/Brees/Bernard, so kayabunga! That leads me to my final question, anyone wanna go to San Francisco?

PREDICTED FINAL RECORD: 5-6

PAGS CORNER

I’d like to start off this segment with a quote from out dear Commissioner.

“Oh dude the Giants Defense is sooooooooo good you don’t have a chance vs. Britton.”

Well mark you can suck a fat one. To address another issue both Britton and I changed our name. Britton changing his to The Fellowship of The Ring, because be didn’t want  “batman to be associated with this joke of a team.” First off I’m offended, because getting beat by me was so shocking to him he had to change his name because of it. Guess my team was a push over in your eyes Britton. Secondly you changed your name so you wouldn’t associate a great FICTIONAL (Britton edits this; Batman is real) character with your team. Then you change your name so that it’s associated with a group of greater fictional (Britton again; the walk to mordor actually happened, look it up) characters, well done. Now more importantly my names change, some of you may be wondering Why Sons of Scotland? Why Braveheart? Well my response is because IM GOING TO TAKE MY MIGHTY GREAT SWORD AND SLICE THIS LEAGUE FROM NECK TO GROIN! Another little note when it comes to fantasy football my name is no longer The Punisher/ Marcus Pags it is now Shamus Blackwood.

     I feel like I have talked about myself too much so I’ll change the subject. Graham, you had a lot of potential coming into this week. Starting off with a mammoth lead over Mark, but the with Thomas, Witten, and Fitz not performing you got crushed. Tough luck, and find a different hobby cuz you suck at this one.

One last thing, I was thoroughly shocked at how good Sammy did, so a nod and a wink to you good sir.

WEEK 2 PREDICTIONS

Dank Sinatra 102 Far Out! 92

Sons of Scotland 112 Schmidt Happens 104

Oh and by the way, the only legit rivalry in Sunday Funday returns Week 6… ITS THE THRILLA IN MANILLA V.