The Real Week 7 Recap

Alright let's do this.


So instead of doing all that player of the week junk that I usually do, I am going to do something a whole lot more entertaining.

GIFs That Describe the Games:

Mark vs. Sam

Graham vs. Pags

Brittons Evaluation Week II
^Aw.

This is the part where I right about certain teams and how they did and how they will do and some other things to make you laugh. Testicles.

1. (2) [4-2] Far Out!
San Fran my Man! Graham has come out and done the exact opposite of what he did last year... Blowing it. Ah what am I thinking, he still is mediocre. But for right now, he is #1 due to his big win against Pags. I mean he was feeling so good about this win that he forgot he was playing Sam this week. Lawl. Sam has trashed Graham on a weekly basis on his two Denver WR set, but it seems to be working just fine, and Sam will have the task of defending it this week.

2. (1) [4-1] Dank Sinatra
Sam got annihilated this week by Mark. Like destroyed. So what does Sam do? Well, he trades the Best QB in Fantasy to Mark for DeMarco Murray. Murray gets injured this week. Sams season dies. Barthold takes the hardware. Sam dies on the football field, Barthold still sits on the bench. Ya, but seriously, I have nothing left to talk about. Sam still has a shot at winning it all, but he has to get passed Grahamo this week.

The entire lyrical set of The River. That, my friend, is your Springsteen lyric of the week. JK, great song though.

“Is a dream a lie when it don’t come true, or is it something worse?”

3. (4) [3-3] Schmidt Happens
Eh, shit happens. Mark is 3-3 yet still is the favorite to win it all. The guy won't make the playoffs and will still find a way to win it all. I mean he just stole Peyton Manning from Sam (Varsity reps are going to his head), and now is chilling in a bye week. Yea, maybe if I wasn't 0-5 he would have to worry about making the playoffs, but it is pretty set in stone who is in and who is out.

4. (3) [3-3] Good Fellas
So I guess it wasn't the name that caused the losing. Ya he won last week, but that was against a lineup he got to set at the mercy of Schmidt. He did come close to beating Graham however, and he was pretty bummed about that one in Math class. Have no fear, you are in the playoffs Pags. You will probably play Sam, so that is an easy win. You and Mark will play for the Hardware again, don't you worry.

5. (5) [0-5] The Fellowship of the Ring
So I did the math... I need to win my remaining six games to make the playoffs. Starts this week with Pags.


Pickup Game Roster:
Graham
Pags
Mark

vs.

Britton
Sam
Thacher

The League in 20 Years

Sam


Mark


Pags


Graham


Britton

Week 7 Recap

“End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it. White shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise.”

-J.R.R. Tolkien

Week 6 Power Rankings

I'm too lazy to even think about doing a full recap. Long day, alright? I'll just make everyones power ranking longer except for mine, I don't even deserve one anymore. In fact, I'll start selling my only good player. Who wants Jordy Nelson?

1. (1) [4-0] Dank Sinatra
So Sam had a bye week, decided to mock me and call it Evaluation Week, and is now using his mob roots from the "Giorgio Family" to get more for trading McCoy. You know what, I am in no mood to write these. The reason it was fun last year was cause I was taking a poop on the rest of the league. What am I doing now? Bombing as a Fantasy team and bombing as a football player. Life struggles. Oh well, my job here is to entertain you guys, so I'll tell some stories inside of Sams power ranking. Who wants to know how Sam and I met? I met him on the strip three years ago, In a Camaro with this dude from L.A. I blew that Camaro off my back and drove that little Sam away.Sam only sang that in his head. Greatest song ever. Nah it didn't happen that way, I wish I did.

You know while I write this, Graham and Sam are going at it in the group chat. Far out!

2. (2) [3-2] Far Out!
Graham won game one of a certain series. Cool. Lets be honest, he won the whole series already. God, I am bitchy tonight. I whine more than a newborn baby. Kinda just figured out why Schmidt gets annoyed. Lawl. How did Graham and I meet? Eighth grade Spanish and Math. Terrible times, great year. Ya I sometimes wake up in the morning and literally believe I am still in middle school. Doesn't help that my current math teacher was a middle school teacher only a year ago. Pags knows. Hey Pags! You are probably not reading this after you realize this entire recap has nothing to do with fantasy football. Were still talking about Graham? eh.

Sam laughs at the way I drink water.

3. (4) [3-2] Good Fellas
So I could talk about the really stupid game Pags and Mark had, but screw that. Instead I am going to talk about Pags' dog. That thing is adorable. Like seriously, cutest thing ever. Let her know that Pags, your dog is fricken adorable. Orgin story of Pags and I? Frosh year, football/math class/lunch, don't really remember, kinda just happened. Remember that whole Amish period? That wasn't me, I swear. You know, the first thing I think about when Pags mentions his farm is Hershels Farm. Just letting you know when the Walkers rise (RISE), I am fricken bolting over to Pags' farm. Graham will unfortunately be with me, we are good at this whole farming thing, at least in Minecraft.

4. (2) [2-3] Schmidt Happens
It's funny cause Schmidt already has won the hardware this year. ANYWAY, what is there to talk about? Ah, ya, Mark. Big Reedo, if you even know who that is, asked me the other day why you are so big. Sam doesn't want to admit it, but stop using steroids. You will get AIDS, and you will die. You should teach Pags a thing or two about lifting I WAS JOKING PAGS DONT CUT MY TESTICLES OFF. Just a joke... We coo? Notice how I purposely removed the L from cool to make it sound black. Darien at its finest.

5.
Oh right I dont usually write anything about myself anymore after I realized how much I whine. I should learn how to play the piano. That would be awesome. You know what else would be awesome? WINNING A GAME. WAIT, I'm not gonna do this. Chillax.


Pags take the hardware in a rematch with Schmidt.

Week 5 Recap

In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Nah, I’ll save that for when we force Schmidt to watch those movies. Howdy! Good Morro! Far Out! I seem to be in a good mood even though I just dropped to 0-4. Ya, I’m still shocked but whatevs. Ya, and Sam is standing above the league like this after starting 4-0. But no one really cares anymore about you Sam, because this week we got a little something called THE THRILLA IN MANILA. Last year, I was able to take the series in a 2-2 win over Graham (won on total points) after the series was forced to a fourth game due to playoffs. This year however, there will only be two games scheduled (I am not making the playoffs at this point), so it will go down. I maybe 0-4 but there is no way I am losing my beloved Hardwood. So what am I going to do even though my team blows? This. ONTO THE RECAP.

Top Player of the Week:

Graham had been waiting awhile for this to happen, but Demaryius Thomas finally showed up after only producing 21 points in three games. Well he put up 34 this week alone, so Graham finally figured that one out. Far out!

Surprise Player of the Week:

Alright, tooting my own horn even though I lost. Expect it to happen a lot. Eddie Lacy decided to start playing hard right after he got traded to me. Good guy. 24 points in one night after only producing 21 in four games. Good stuff.

POWER RANKINGS

() indicates previous ranking, [] indicates the record.

1.  (1) [4-0] Dank Sinatra

So Sam once again got through to another win, putting him at 4-0 on the season. “I still think you are going to win Britton.” Funny Sam. You think it is funny but you have no idea what I just did that will not make you too happy. #Rise. Anyway, Sam enters a bye week as the top team in the league, standing at a high 4-0. I just want to point something out from last year. Pags started his season off with a similar streak, but managed to go 5-5. Let us see if Sam can pull this one off. Peyton Manning has done him wonders, but he continuously talks about playing a different QB. ARE YOU RETARDED?  Maybe he is, but he is undefeated and tries on scout team. That’s right, Sam tries on scout. Like I said earlier, Sam enters his bye week but will play Schmidt for the first time this year in Week 7. Good luck. Sam after seeing that.

2. (3) [2-2] Far Out!

Whoa! Once again only Graham read that correctly, but do not worry about that. ANYWAY, Graham just beat Schmidt. Ya, I’ll repeat it, Graham defeated Schmidt. The best part about it was that it wasn’t even close, Graham literally did this to Schmidt. Now, most of that win relied heavily on Schmidts team not showing up and the fact that Thomas and Grahams kicker combined for 55 points. That usually will not happen on a week to week basis. But hey, Graham is 2-2, doing his best to be mediocre. Now, Graham has to focus his attention to a Game 1 of the Thrilla in Manila. More on that later.

3. (2) [2-2] Schmidt Happens

So Schmidt had two guys decide it was not necessary to produce any points. Ya, Schmidt played an injured Calvin Johnson, I wouldn't have but who takes advice from the guy who hasnt even won a game? So sure, Schmidt had a bad week, don’t worry about it, he will still probably destroy us all in the end even though Sam thinks he’s hot stuff now. See Pags/Britton in 2013. Exactly. So Mark now gets to take on Pags in a game that really puts the winner in a great position and the loser in a pretty bad one, CAUSE I WILL COME BACK. Both teams are 2-2 with unlucky performances hindering their progress. I still think Schmidt has a good team, but with Charles on a bye this week, he will need to find another suitable replacement. I already know the one he is thinking off, but he is off the boards. Do not worry, he will figure it out.

4. (4) [2-2] Good Fellas

Pags started the week off on a bad note, after realizing that holding onto K Matt Prater for four weeks was pointless after he was cut on a suspension. But the real story is that Pags will finally get the chance to see if it was the name that sent him on that two loss spiral. I really do not think that was the reason, but we will learn. Pags is coming off a much needed bye week and now will play in a pivotal battle against Schmidt. If the Thrilla in Manila wasn’t happening, this would be game of the week, cause all I can picture right now is this being the game. Pags will have a good advantage with Arian Foster finally showing up, and hopes to continue to find success under newly acquired QB Philip Rivers.

Guess what? I am last in the power rankings. Nothing changed. It is a waste of time to trash myself while I drown in my own tears. So of course, I preview the Thrilla in Manila. But before that, I have some smack for Graham. You don't even get fresh milk in the morning!

Tale of the Tape

Categories	Graham	Britton
Series Wins	2	2
Series Losses	2	2
Series Points	382	433
All Time Record	7-7	9-6

Fratres! Three weeks from now, I will be harvesting my crops. Imagine where you will be, and it will be so. Hold the line! Stay with me! If you find yourself alone, riding in the green fields with the sun on your face, do not be troubled. For you are in Elysium, and you're already dead! Brothers, what we do in life... echoes in eternity.