Week One Recap

I can not be any happier right now. Fantasy Football is back, meaning I can finally try to be good at Fantasy Football because I am really tanking at this High School Football thing. Back to Fantasy. Week 1 was undoubtedly the craziest opening week this league has ever had. Well, maybe not, cause “Hail Branchez” in 2013 was pretty crazy too. But let me just “recap” (get it?) what happened.

• Sam defeated Schmidt for the first time in league history. He is now 1-7 against the 2x defending champ.
• Pags and Graham played to the league's first tie of all time.   
• I continued my streak of never winning on opening week.
• Thacher is the real deal.

So naturally, I have nothing else to do right now, so let’s go straight to the Power Rankings.

1. [1-0] Wet Dreams About Winning

It appears as if taking Tom Brady is paying off for the league’s newest member. Brady is not the only gem that Thacher seemed to reveal, as he had a total of four players go over 20 points this week (one bench player). Along with that stat, 8/15 of his players reached double digit points this week, which is of course the reason he owned the highest point total from this week. Thacher faces problems though this coming week, as two of his starters will be out of action, but with the depth he has (Ameer Abdullah and DeAndre Hopkins), he shouldn’t have to worry too much against Pags and his Warrior Poets.

2. [0-0-1] Warrior Poets

So the White Tiger was unable to pull off a Week 1 victory, but still is downright in the hunt for the title. The Bearded Wonder has one of the deadliest starting lineups in the league, as five of his starters were able to put up double digit points. And once first round pick Le'Veon Bell returns, there is no stopping this man. The Fighter from Scotland faces two problems though; little to no cap room and a very weak bench. Hopefully he will be able to resolve those issues in the coming weeks so he can make a legitimate push for the title.

3. [1-0] Hanibal’s Cannibals

Even though Sam pulled off his first win against a Schmidt led team, it was almost a gimme, since Schmidt laid an egg and put up 68 points. Sam though still looks very impressive, as he has uncovered a diamond in RB Carlos Hyde. You’re. Welcome. Hyde is undoubtedly the future of Sam’s team, and will probably be a major part of it for the better part of a decade. Sam is clearly in agreeance with this, telling me that “You can run, but you can’t Hyde.” He said it like 14 times today, it is already getting old. After that though, Sam needs a little work. Outside of QB Aaron Rodgers and TE Jimmy Graham, Sammy G struggled to get any production from other players. High salary players such as Adrian Peterson and AJ Green flopped, which may point to signs of Sammy G clearing up space in order to have more affordable, reliable players.

Wait a minute. OH MY GOD. WATCH OUT WATCH OUT WATCH OUT!!! RKO OUT OF NOWHERE.

4. [0-0-1] Bill Swerski’s Ditka Volcano

Even though is game ended in the league’s first ever tie, Graham is looking like a legitimate threat this season. With a core that includes Andrew Luck, Demaryius Thomas and CJ Anderson, Graham has a solid building block to work with. Graham also houses one of the oldest teams in the league, with five players over the age of 30. Also, he was forced to rely heavily on Matt Forte’s 22 points along with 18 points from the Seahawks D/ST. That is not always going to happen, so Graham may need to make a few little tweaks in order to finally make a major push for a title.

5. [0-1] The People’s Elbow

The People’s Champ was unable to capitalize off the Most Electrifying Move in Entertainment, as Thacher was able to kick out at two and a half and win the battle. Have no fear though, because the youngest and least expensive team in the league is already in possession of the top two tight ends, and has plenty of potential rounding out his starting lineup. With the return of Gurley and hopefully an answer at QB, The People’s Champ may make a surprise run towards the playoffs. Things may go south though, as the risk with such young players is high. Either way, the future is bright, but the next 13 weeks may not be.

6. [0-1] Just Bend Over: Part III

So it was Schmidt who got raped this week… Ha. I mean 68 points from the defending champ is kind of sad, along with the fact that his kicker only managed -1 point. No but seriously, lock your doors and protect the women and children, because in about three weeks time, Schmidt will be on top of this league. I can just tell. Even Schmidt himself said, “I’ve got a weird feeling about this season, but I like it.” Cold words from a cold man.

Week 2 Predictions:

The People’s Elbow puts Sammy G down for the three count… for now.

The Warrior Poets give Wet Dreams About Winning a pretty weird nightmare.

Schmidt just absolutely rapes Graham.

Oh yea. I might be playing Sam this week, but that doesn’t stop me from realizing the greatest rivalry in league history returns Week 3. It’s gonna be a killa and a thrilla and a chilla, when I get that gorilla in Manila. It’s on Graham.

You think I’m done Graham? Yea… Yea… well I’m not! Cause you know what I was reading today? Yea… I was reading YESTERDAY'S NEWS! Yea… that’s what you are Littell, because comparatively speaking to the Macho Man Randy Savage you are nothing but garbage yea… nothing but garbage… You think you’re a tough guy yea… BUT LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING LITTELL… I’m the cream of the crop yea… and the cream always RISES TO THE TOP. Comparatively speaking you are a single grain of sand in the Sahara Desert yea… because I am the best there is, past, present and future… OOOHHH YYYYEEEEEAAAAAA.