Week 7 Predictions

You think I was going to skip the oppurtunity to do these absurd WWE predictions? Nah. Let’s do it. 

Graham vs. Thacher

Here is the opening bell and Graham takes a swing BUT THACHER HITS A MASSIVE DROP KICK. WHAT IS THIS? OH MY GOD THACHER IS TUNING UP THE BAND. SWEET. CHIN. MUSIC. GRAHAM MIGHT BE DEAD. HERE IS THE COVER. 1… 2… OH AND A KICK OUT. Graham gets up and BY GOD GRAHAM WITH A HELLS GATE TO THACHER. WILL THACHER TAP OUT? WHAT?!?!?! BARTHOLD IS COMING DOWN. GRAHAM AND BRITTON MEET NEXT WEEK IN THE THRILLA IN MANILA. GRAHAM AND BARTHOLD ARE TALKING SHIT BUT THACHER OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A ROLLUP. 1… 2… 3! THACHER BEATS GRAHAM AFTER BARTHOLD DISTRACTED GRAHAM.

Pags vs. Schmidt

Here we go as the bell rings AND SCHMIDT WITH AN F-5 OUT OF NOWHERE. SCHMIDT IS GOING FOR THE COV-OH MY GOD PAGS SAT UP. PAGS JUST PULLED AN UNDERTAKER AND SAT UP. SCHMIDT IS GOING FOR ANOTHER F-5 AND IT CONNECTS! THIS TIME, SCHMIDT WITH A COVER. 1... 2… WHAT THE HELL? PAGS SAT UP AGAIN. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? SCHMIDT CAN’T BELIEVE WHAT HE IS SEEING. IT LOOKS LIKE SCHMIDT IS GOING FOR ANOTHER F-5 BUT PAGS COUNTERS. HOLY SHIT THE LIGHTS JUST WENT OUT.

 *Undertaker Bell Tolls* 

 WHAT THE HELL? SCHMIDT IS LYING ON A TABLE AND PAGS IS AT THE TOP OF A LADDER. SWANTON BOMB. SWANTON BOMB THROUGH THE TABLE. PAGS WITH THE COVER. 1… 2… 3! PAGS WITH A HUGE UPSET. *Pags walks out to Ain’t No Grave*

Sam vs. Britton

Now this is the most anticipated matchup in history. Sammy G vs Britton. Here we go with the opening bell as Britton and Sam stay pretty even. OH BUT SAMMY G WITH A CLOTHESLINE. SAMMY G PICKS BRITTON UP BUT BARTHOLD WITH A SPINEBUSTER. WHAT A SPINEBUSTER FROM BARTHOLD. WHAT’S THIS? OH MY GOD HE IS SETTING IT UP. THE MOST ELECTRIFYING MOVE IN SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT. BRITTON BOUNCES OFF THE ROP-RKO OUT OF NOWHERE. SAMMY G CAME OUT OF NOWHERE WITH THAT. SAMMY G WITH THE COVER! 1… 2… OH AND A KICKOUT. WHAT A MATCH. SAMMY G IS PICKING BRITTON UP AND BARTHOLD WITH A KICK TO THE STOMACH. WHAT’S THIS? A STONE COLD STUNNER TO SAM. COVER! 1… 2… AND A KICK OUT FROM SAMMY G. BRITTON CAN’T BELIEVE IT AS HE LOOKS IN-OH MY GOD A LOW BLOW FROM SAMMY G TO BRITTON. OH MY GOD SAMMY G IS SETTING UP THE PUNT. SAMMY G RUNS AT BRITTON BUT MISSES. BRITTON WITH A COUNTER, HE HAS SAMMY G IN THE HELLS GATE. THE HELLS GATE IS LOCKED IN BUT IT LOOKS LIKE SAM IS PICKING UP BRITTON. OH MY GOD LOOK AT THE STRENGTH. SAMMY G GETS OUT OF IT AND IT LOOKS LIKE HE IS GOING FOR THE WALLS OF JERICHO. SAMMY G HAS IT LOCKED IN! WHAT WILL BRITTON DO? CAN HE GET OUT?

WHAT THE HELL? THE LIGHTS WENT OUT AGAIN!

*Undertaker Bell Tolls*

OH MY GOD PAGS IS IN THE RING. SAM CANT BELIEVE WHAT HE IS SEEING. SAM TAKES A SWING AT PAGS BUT PAGS GRABS SAM AND HITS THE CHOKESLAM. OH MY GOD PAGS HAS SIDED WITH BRITTON. PAGS IS HELPING BRITTON UP-OH MY GOD. NO NO NO NO! PAGS HITS THE CHOKESLAM ON BRITTON. BOTH SAM AND BRITTON ARE DOWN.

*Undertaker Bell Tolls*

OH MY GOD PAGS DISAPPEARED. BOTH MEN ARE DOWN IN THE RING! WAIT A MINUTE! ITS GRAHAM. GRAHAM IS COMING OUT. HE DRAGS SAMMY G ONTO BRITTON. THE REF WITH THE COUNT. 1… 2… 3! SAMMY G WINS! GRAHAM SCREWS BRITTON AHEAD OF THE THRILLA IN MANILA AND SAMMY G WINS.