WWE Predictions Week 9

Background from Last Week:

• Schmidt absolutely destroyed Sam by delivering 42 suplexes and four F-5’s. Sam was unconscious after the first F-5. Sam had to be carried out on a stretcher.
• Graham thought he had his match won against Britton with a rollup but Britton countered and hit a Rock Bottom followed by the People’s Elbow to get the win and put the Thrilla in Manila at 1-1.
• Pags came out for his No DQ match against Thacher, but Schmidt came out and teamed up with Thacher to beat Pags down with steel chairs. Pags kept sitting up until Schmidt hit him across the face with a sledgehammer. Pags was pronounced dead, and Schmidt put him in a coffin.

Sammy G vs. Graham

Sammy G has officially fell into jobber status as his RKO has been completely ineffective for his past five matches. Five straight losses has set the record for longest losing streak in Sunday Funday, and he needs to rebound desperately to return to relevance. But in his way is Graham and GRAHAM IS STARTING OUT SWINGING. HE IS CONNECTING WITH EVERY PUNCH HE THROWS AND SAMMY G IS IN TROUBLE. SAMMY G LOOKS FOR A COUNTER BUT GRAHAM SEES IT COMING, AND HITS A MASSIVE DROPKICK. SAMMY G IS IN MASSIVE TROUBLE RIGHT NOW. GRAHAM PICKS UP SAM BUT AN RKO OUT OF NOWHERE. COVER. 1… 2… OH AND A KICK OUT. SAM CAN’T BELIEVE IT. SAM HAS HIS BACK TURNED TO GRAHAM AND GRAHAM TAKES ADVANTAGE WITH CROSS RHODES. HERE IS THE COVER. 1… 2… *The Rock’s Music Plays* WHAT? YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS. HERE HE COMES, THE PEOPLE'S CHAMPION. BRITTON IS HERE AND IS LOOKING STRAIGHT AT GRAHAM. THE REF IS TELLING BRITTON NOT TO ENTER THE RING BUT GRAHAM TAKES OUT THE REF. HERE WE GO. BRITTON IS LAYING THE SMACKDOWN ON GRAHAM AND HE HITS A ROCK BOTTOM. WHAT A SEQUENCE OF EV-*Hogan’s Music Plays* WWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT? HOGAN IS HERE. WHAT THE HELL! HULK HOGAN IS HERE FOR SOME REASON, HE ISN'T EVEN IN THIS LEAGUE, BUT THE CROWD HAS COMPLETELY LOST IT. HE IS IN THE RING AND HE HITS THE LEG DROP ON GRAHAM. THE REF IS NOW AWAKE. SAMMY G WITH A COVER. 1… 2… 3! SAM WINS. SAM WINS. THE GIANTS HAVE WON THE PENNANT. SAM WINS. THE BAND IS ON THE FIELD!

Britton vs. Pags

Britton is out here awaiting his match but you have to remember, Pags is presumed dead after Schmidt buried him in that coffin. Britton is leaving the r-*Lesnar’s Music Plays* Uh oh. Schmidt is coming out to have a few words with Britton. Britton did not deserve this, but Schmidt is looking like he wants a fight right now. Schmidt is being a co-WAIT A MINUTE. HERE COMES SAMMY G. SAMMY G HAS SOME UNFINISHED BUSINESS AS HE RUNS DOWN TO THE RING. SCHMIDT TURNS HIS BACK TO BRITTON AND THAT IS A MISTAKE. THE PEOPLE’S CHAMPION IS BEATING DOWN SCHMIDT. LOOK AT THE GREAT ONE GO. WAIT A MINUTE SCHMIDT HAS BRITTON UP FOR THE F-5. HE THROWS HIM UP BUT BRITTON LANDS IT AND PUSHES SCHMIDT INTO AN R-K-FRICKEN-O FROM SAM. WHAT'S THIS? BRITTON IS SAYING SOMETHING TO SAM. IT LOOKS LIKE SAM IS GETTING A TABLE. WHAT ARE THEY DOING? OH MY GOD. DUDLEY DEATH DROP TO SCHMIDT THROUGH THE TABLE. SAMMY G AND BRITTON HAVE FORMED A TAG TEAM AND HAVE TAMED THE BEAST MARK SCHMIDT.

Schmidt vs. Thacher

Here we go, the two biggest names in the league today. Schmidt vs. Thacher. These two are going to absolutely destroy each other AND HERE WE GO. SCHMIDT VS THACHER. BOTH MEN ARE TAKING SHOTS AND THACHER IS GAINING THE UPPER HAND. HE IS BEATING SCHMIDT DOWN AND IS LOOKING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE. WHAT THE HELL? THACHER IS GOING FOR SCHMIDT'S OWN FINISHER. THACHER GOING FOR THE F-5 BUT SCHMIDT COUNTERS WITH A GERMAN SUPLEX. OH NO SCHMIDT ISN’T LETTING GO AND IS HITTING SUPLEX AFTER SUPLEX. I DON’T THINK THACHER KNOWS WHERE HE IS RIGHT NOW. SCHMIDT IS ABSOLUTELY DOMINATING BUT THACHER COUNTERS OUT OF NOWHERE. WHERE DID THAT COME FROM. OH MY GOD THACHER WITH A CLOTHESLINE. THACHER TO THE TOP ROPE. SWANTON. BOMB. THACHER WITH THE COVER. 1… 2… OH BUT A KICK OUT. THACHER CAN’T BELIEVE IT. THACHER IS GONNA CLIMB THE ROPES AGAIN. WHAT IS HE DOING? OH MY GOD HE IS GONNA TRY ANOTHER SWANTON BOMB. THACHER INTO THE AIR BUT SCHMIDT CATCHES HIM. F-5. F-5. SCHMIDT WITH THE COVER. 1… 2… 3! SCHMIDT WINS. SCHMIDT WINS. THIS MAN IS COMPLETELY UNSTOPPABLE. I MEAN I HAVE NE-*Bell Tolls*

Wait. What? It can’t be. *Bell Tolls* *Lights go out* What is happening? The lights are out, but the blue lights are coming down on the ring. Oh my God! Smoke is beginning to fill the arena, What is happening?! WHAT THE HELL? A bunch of hooded things are coming down to the ring, AND THEY ARE CARRYING THE COFFIN OF PAGS. WHAT THE HELL. SCHMIDT DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. The coffin is now in the ring, what is Schmidt gonna do? I mean it was clear that Pags was in there last week, is this just some sort of trick? Schmidt is gonna open the coff-*Lighting strikes the coffin* WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? Wait, the lights are back on, and Schmidt is laughing. Oh my God this has been a joke the entire time! Schmidt set this crowd up and is gonna show them the dead body of Pags! What a sick person, this is just terrible. Schmidt is going up to the coffin AND HE OPENED IT. WAIT. WHAT THE HELL? PAGS ISN’T IN THERE. HE ISN’T IN THERE. *Bell Tolls* *Lights Out* OH MY GOD. WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW? *Videoboard lights up* IT SAYS SOMETHING ON THE TITANTRON.

Titantron Reads: And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts, And I looked and behold: a pale horse. And his name, that sat on him, was Death.

And Hell followed with him.

*Crow Caws* *Lights go on* *Ring is empty*